it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
