Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
