I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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