She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
worst night to have a conscience
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
