i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
