How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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