My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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