Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
