My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
