Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In America we eat man semen.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
