you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
