My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
