tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
