Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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