3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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