so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
