I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I did not marry a roomba.
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