we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
