i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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