So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
