yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
