his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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