My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
