yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
