the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
