a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
