we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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