Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
