So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
third nipple confirmed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
