I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
