She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
