So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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