you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
