okay pat passed out under dana's car
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
