I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
