your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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