Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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