Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
