You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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