hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
