I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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