is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
