lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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