I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
