its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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