There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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