ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
