i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
third nipple confirmed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
