her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize