Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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