After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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