I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
