ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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