Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
