They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
